Hello folks you’re welcome once again to our regular tuesday feature the Wakabouts of Penocrat. Today Penocrat takes on the church and the hypocrisy therein in her own funny way. You will enjoy it
My name is Penocrat Ayomide Kindness. I am a Church Ashewo. In other words, just like my invisible president, I belong to every church, and I belong to no church.
Well, despite the constant open declaration of me being a bad market, I still wonder why so many churches take me serious… even to the extent of inducting me into their workforce and WhatsApp groups. Who I be?
Anyways, that’s by the way.
About one of these churches I attended during my undergraduate days, one of their firebrand oversabi sisters, created a WhatsApp group and added all finalists to it. According to her, she still wants us to keep visiting the church even after graduation, and to also keep in touch with one another. No wahala. I agreed. Even though I was added without my permission.
Day 1: Sister Loveth shares our daily manna in the morning. Everybody applauds her;
” Waawu sister! This is so uplifting.”
“Waawu! sister Lovey! this just ministered to my spirit.”
“God bless you sister for sharing.”… and yada yada. Aunty packs praises inside bra.
Day 2: Sister Nkiru shares prophecy of the year by Daddy G.O. Different praises rent the air again.
“Keep up the good work sister.”
” Keep the fire burning sister.”
“This year is our year sister.”…Okay that wan pass.
Day 3: Brother God’sPower shares motivational message. Another excruciating moment of accolades.
” Ride on Bro. Receive fresh anointing.”
“We are getting there! Yes, we can!”
“Word!” Etc. Finally, that day was over.
Day 4: Pastor gets added to the alumni group. Now, everybody must mark register. Show off things nooni.
“Daddy Good morning Sir.”
“Daddy welcome Sir.”
“Daddy God bless you Sir”
“What a Waawu! Daddy welcome on board!” “Daddy you’re a blessing! …
Okay, this wan continues into Day 5.
Day 5:( Evening) Brother Christiantus shares prayer points for the week. Everybody goes haywire including Daddy sef.
“Woow! We thank God for your life, Brother Antus”
” You’re going places Bro!’
“Let’s shake up the demonic kingdom mehn!”
” You just ministered to me Bro Antus.”… Brother Antus packs praises like sub and put inside boxers.
Day 6: Sister Penocrat drops a brief comical writeup. Everybody goes haywire. Oyibo riwazie Ibe ya enu.
“Please sister, I believe the essence of this forum is to help us edify our spirit man.”
“Brethren, let’s flee from all forms of carnality”
” Sister stop polluting this group. It is unfair.”
“Sister that your post is worldly. I suppose the aim and objective of this group page is to epp us build ourselves in the lord.”
“Sister stop posting materials that have no bearing with the kingdom agenda. Please and please.”
“Sister, please share only things that advocate for kingdom growth. Please be guided.”
“Sister, Do you know we have our Daddy on this group? Don’t put up anything that doesn’t give praise and glory to God. Let’s be guided please.”
Sister this, sister that and yada yada. Sister kill all of una dia!
You have your Daddy on this group so what should I do? Turn my bra to sunglasses?
I couldn’t believe it. I had to reread the whole sister enchilada.
Hian! Eh ehn! So even all these kerewa sisters wey dey donate left right and center, plus all these borehole brothers, follow dey warn their grandmother?
Hay God! Aiye ma le o!!!
Double standard bastards!
Day 7: Sister Penocrat carries her bags and shoes on her head, and runs out of group, with legs touching the back of her head.
Because mi o raye gbogbo radarada yen.
(Phone rings) Oversabi sister: Sister Pen, why did you leave the group? Don’t tell me you are above rebuke and chastisement? I created that group for us! I can’t see it fail! It is just one week old. Now you’ve left…
Me: Aunty put yourself together. We know as the go dey go. Forget grammar. If trumpet like make e sound. Nobody dey go anywhere.
Na we dey here.
Oversabi Sister: Adongerrit. What dyu mean?
Me: Dongerrit na. Kilo kan mi? 😂😂😂
Please go away! You people shu stop taking life too seriously. None of us are getting out of it alive. Sotiye? (Drops call)
Nonsense and Eye service!
End of rant.