Hello, folks, welcome to our regular column the Wakaabouts of Penocrat, our regular guest writer Penocrat shares her offbeats thoughts on life issues. Today she talks about relationships marriage and the question of choice. You will enjoy her as usual 

About yesterday, I’ve never been so pissed off in my entire life!

I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. We wanted to see a movie together, but as the spirit led, we decided to hang out at a popular bar and just chill, while watching over zealous Sunday flexers do their thing.

While we were chilling jejely, my friend encountered another friend of hers who came in with her crew too. As a matter of fact, she threw me off balance, when she jumped off her chair and screamed like they haven’t met in a million years. The other one too screamed like a banshee, and they hugged fiercely. Trust ladies and drama. Then she abandoned me and her boyfriend and went to sit with her fellow screamer who apparently, came with a truckload of gist.
Okay, me and son of man kept chilling. At first, I thought about bringing out one of my books to read, but then again, this is a bar for goodness sake. I cannot coman be embarrassing my local government in the public of igwemmadu. So my village people pushed me, and I stirred up a convo. We indulged ourselves, and before we knew it, we were already flowing like old time buddies.

Again my village people pushed me and I asked him what kind of woman he would like to marry. “Someone like your friend.” He replied. Waawu!!! Great! Just as I was about to congratulate him and shower him with the whole ‘husband material ‘praise thingy, he expantiated the whole matter.

” Well, Ayo I like ladies like you and your friend. Fair, not too fat not too slim, a little coke bottle shape and probably tall!”

“Waawu! Tall!!! ERM my friend ees not tall na. Two of us are shorty elewa.” I replied.

Okay, he rephrased and explained that height can be overlooked since we ticked most boxes on his checklist. Fine. That was okay. We kept talking, until he turned the tables around, and threw the same question my way. I looked at him and smiled. I was already getting high sha as a light headed drinker, so I kept quiet and kept receiving inspiration from Jah the most high. Yeah. Whenever I’m high, I’m actually a bit withdrawn. I just become quiet.

Well, dude didn’t understand, he felt I was about to bail off on the question, so he asked me again. Then I jokingly replied; “A man who has 30 billion in his account. So do you have 30 billion in your account??” I asked. That was when the trouble started. Dude went all motivational on me. He couldn’t believe his ears.

“Well, what makes a man isn’t what he owns, but what he’s made up of. your background doesn’t mean your back is on the ground. It is better to build than pack into an already built house.it’s better to marry a poor man that will be rich later, than a rich man that will be poor later.”

“Hian! Chill dude! Chill! Na joke we dey. Put yourself together. Don’t take all this to heart abeg.” I countered.
At least I thought I was speaking to a sane person who understood when to sheath his sword. For where??? Dude became even more enraged.”Ayo, this is why women like you end up with drug dealers and yahoo plus guys. You people can’t even see the future in poor good men. Keep chasing rich men until you run into trouble. This is why some of you end up unmarried, while the rest end up in churches and prayer houses, praying for their rich men marriages.
Do you know MKO Abiola once sold firewood to pay his fees?”

I looked at him. I won’t lose it on this one. Its a bar. They’ll perceive me as drunk. Besides, he’s my friend’s boo. I can’t coman spoil sontin. I am a caretaker. That’s my archetype. So I maintained. He continued yarning breeze…

“Babe, Goodluck Jonathan once had no shoes but now he wears designers. Gucci, Prada, name them!…. “I freaked out… “Okay! Oga stop this bullshit! I don’t give a flying hoot if Buhari was once a nomad or OBJ was once an illiterate or Adolf Hitler once hawked egusi. Just stop talking already. Stop! Just stop! I asked you what your spec of a lady was and you went all tall, coke bottle shape, fair in complexion and yada yada. I didn’t judge you because I felt it was your opinion. Your choice… and that was perfectly okay with me. But now, I tell you mine and that’s not okay? People rise from the gutters. I gerrit! But this is my choice. I came here to hang out not to get all your resentment heaped on me biko. Kai!

My friend appeared, and we digressed.


You see men like this? fear them!

Some people are just unnecessarily crazy. How can a human being be wasting craziness upandan? This is so un-fucking-believable! With your Taye Taiwo face, you’re looking for sleeping beauty, and when I mention 30 billion, you start tearing your boxers?How nice!.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong if a lady falls in love with a rich man, poor man or a ‘middle man’. Different strokes for different folks! It all boils down to choice! Choice! Fucking choice! Let a woman chose what she wants. After all, God gave Adam everything before he created Eve.If you can make your choice, why can’t she? Wait fez.Lemme explain something. Rich men too will marry. Stop spoiling their chances with your bad belle biko. If all of us marry poor men what will happen to the rich ones? Who wee now marry them?  Choice is necessary abeg. Not every rich man is bad and not every poor man is good. Not every rich man is a drug dealer, or a ritualist, or an internet fraudster. We also have poor ritualists, kidnappers, and fraudsters. Kapish? Oga leave them ladies laidat. Let them marry Yahoo Yahoo. E didn’t konzign you ooo.

I’ve met people who believe that suffering with a man guarantees wealth and stability in the end. I’m not saying it ain’t possible, but shit can still hit the fan! This is life! Free Nollywood and Zee world, once a woman discloses her intentions of getting married to a rich guy, you hear sermons about rich men being poor in the end, and poor men being rich in the end. What about the odds? Other probabilities nko? A poor man can be poor for life do you know that? Leave all that start small and end big kini. Some people still start small and still end small you know?

Some ladies love to test the waters. Others don’t. It doesn’t make them stupid or insensitive. Wait o. Why I’m I even doing long talk sef? Hell yeah! I want to marry a tall handsome rich man! Okay, lemme add God fearing. So that you people won’t think I’ve fallen out of faith. Now you can coman beat me AU LAIT!

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