Hello folks, it is really great to have you here on this beautiful Tuesday afternoon. Welcome to our regular column, Wakaabouts of Penocrat, with our regular guest smartass Penocrat. Today, her rant is about marriage and she is taking on Nigeria men and their fragile egos. Read and enjoy it as usual.
Kai! I can’t believe another Saturday has strolled and pass like that, and I’ve not seen husband. This man hunting job is really hard. And to think I would have been married yesterday sha…
Dear God, pity me na! My mates are tying knot. Me I’m loosing bolt.
During my youth service days, I met this tall man. Positively ugly. When I say positively ugly, you understand na. He’s learned and has plenty money. 30 billion in the account. What’s the meaning of fine boy again? Somebody explain that nonsense.
Okay. We became friends… I began liking him. He started looking fine in my eyes. Very hilarious somebody! That’s my weakness. I love funny people. I sha noticed some small small low mentality every now and then… Well, what’s my own? Me and my picky nature. Mtcheww! Besides, it was a budding relationship. Lets cut the he-diot some slack.
And one day he started asking stupid questions.
“How do you see a man? ”
“what type of graduate are you? “
É Gbami! How do I see a man bawo?Bobrisky much? What type of graduate azzin how? First Class? 2:1? 2:2? Kilode?
Eventually, Oga explained to me that he wants to marry somebody with NCE qualification. NCE! I was thrilled. Fascinated. So I questioned him further. Determined to know his smelling reasons.
Okay Oga explained to me that graduates are proud. Very proud. According to him, there’s this stupid pride that comes with attending universities. College of Education people are better. Especially NCE women. They are homely. Designed to run and manage homes. No too much intelligence. No smelling oversabi. Totally submissive and highly prayerful! Is like they teach them a special course on home management there.
Okay oooo. See this ugly man. I didn’t even bring your ugliness into light, now my qualification is now what you want to use to shine? God punish my detractors. I got up and left.
He called and called and called. I didn’t pick up. Then he sent me a message. He was outside my house. I told him it was gonna be a long wait. Methuselah kinda stuff. After much begging, he played the ‘what do you want me to do for you’ card. I looked at myself. I was broke. My hair needed help. So I told him to help my ministry. I want to have a hairdo.
Oga laughed. “so you’re broke and you’re forming? Big girl like you? Okay give me a few minutes. I’ll be back. “
I waited sha. Oga came back. Called me. I came out. Guess what? He was handing me this large sized pack of pizza .Smiling happily. He felt accomplished.
“Sorry, I don’t eat pizza. I don’t like it.” I said.
Oga became vexed. “Shebi you’re broke? Do you know how much this cost me? “
Nigerians! How did my being broke translate into hunger? Yes I’m broke. But hungry? Ya madt! I reminded him that what I wanted was money to have a hairdo. I explained to him that the pizza thingy was a big waste. He would have kuku added money on the money for the pizza and dash me. Stingy Koko!
Uncle told me my hair was still fine. And a new hairstyle will attract more men around me. He won’t be able to bear such. He hates men rallying around his woman, therefore I should carry my hair like that. Old hair!
I looked at him. Speechless. I didn’t know when I said… ” all these your degrees did not even help matters for you. You’re still plastic minded…”
Oga flared up. ” it’s over between us! This is why he hates graduates! They talk when their husbands are talking. No single iota of humility! Proud bitches! Haughty women! Blah blah blah…
Why I’m I writing this?
Friends, uncle got married yesterday. He sent me pictures of his NCE wife. Is not paining me. I swear! I’m fine than her. Her chicken yam legs too are so glaring. Bad makeover everywhere! Looking like an embalmed corpse…. Ptfff!
Congrats to all NCE graduates out there. Looks like this 2018 na Una year finally.
Awon proud university graduates. Come let’s gaan do NCE ooo. Man will not pass us by this year. Can I hear a resounding amen?