Wakaabouts Of Penocrat: You Want To Leave Me and Go Abroad?

Hello folks, we say a happy new month to you wherever you are. We in particularly want to say thanks for joining us on our regular column Wakaabouts of Penocrat, where our regular irreverent smartest Penocrat always has something to share on life and living. Today she is talking about the Folks who go abroad and leave the women they are engaged/married to in Nigeria. You will enjoy it as usual.

At the beginning of my service year, I became friends with this awesome woman who lived just a street away. Then every morning, she never failed to give me a ride to my place of work. One day, we got talking, and I discovered she has been married for years, to an ‘abroad Oga’. After the wedding, this guy impregnated her and traveled back. Ever since he hasn’t returned. Her son is will be fifteen in October, and he has never met his dad save through occasional phone calls..

What a Waawu! Of a truth, village people are real. How did they manage to catch up with such a cool personality? Chai!

The funniest thing is that you would never know except she tells you. As a matter of fact, she’s outwardly one of the most cheerful and calm beings I’ve encountered in this life. Indeed, we all  demons we’re fighting. The only difference is that some people would rather die than wear their problems on their sleeves. Mrs Eke is one of those people

                                        ********”””””””Major Fast forward***********””****

I met this super cute Uncle at the bank. Kai! I couldn’t help but stare and observe. See me that cannot pray for one hour, I didn’t know when I started communing with Jah right there in the banking hall. I was like; “So God you carry this kain Adonis fine cum dash only one person, while some people are breathing wowority? You must really be an autocrat fa!” As luck would have it, Uncle no carry pen come bank. Typical Nigerian!  I noticed his reluctance to beg for one, so I walked up to him, and handed him mine.  When uncle finished writing, he looked at me and smiled. Chayee! Coman see me doing long jump + back flip in my mind.  Then he deposited money and left. While I was leaving the bank, I discovered Uncle was waiting for me outside. We exchanged pleasantries, got to know ourselves better, and he eventually offered me a ride home. Apparently we had become friends innit??

Days ran into months as I and my crush kept talking on the phone, his voice was like ice cream until one day, he told me he was traveling out of the country. “Hehehe. Waawu! ‘Congrass’ o!” I said. God knows I wanted to scream “DA Hell?’ But no time to be sounding like a chronic bad belle. I went on; “I’m happy for you. This country is already in ruins. Go explore dear.” He smiled and thanked me and then went ahead to throw me off balance. ” Ayo, my folks want me to have a naija babe before leaving the country. shebi you know you also have a chance of going abroad? if we get engaged, my folks will stop pestering me, then I’ll travel, and in a few years time, you will come over and join me.”

Ha! Nooo! Oga wait fez. I know that me too ayaf ‘tyre’ and even ‘tube’ for this Nigeria, but ehn, I’m not doing this parol with you mbok. Mbaanu! Go to your abroad. When you’re ready to settle down come to naija and marry. Uncle vex; “So all this while you never felt anything for me abi? Its ok. Common engagement you won’t agree. So if it was outright marriage nko? Ayo I’ve grown quite fond of you. Don’t be afraid. Just agree. We will keep talking from time to time on the phone till I get back. I love you!”

Hehehhe. I thought about Mrs.Eke. So, this was exactly how her village people ran her street? Waawu! “Tankyu Sah! Adirom interested. Ees nor me you will use an shine”, I muttered. And that was how we parted ways….


I relayed my story to a colleague and she was like; “Ayo you fucked up! Finding an ordinary person to marry these days is not easy o, not to talk of someone abroad. My husband to be is in the states. Been engaged for a year. We speak on the phone. Ha! O kaare o! Ordinary people are the men in Nigeria abi? Eet ees well o. Oniranu! Abroad husband that won’t take me immediately to the abroad with him, is that one abroad husband?

“Aunty Basillia, the last thing I will do in this life, is to subject myself to uncertainties in the name of marriage. Marriage is nobody’s destiny. No fucking body! So no need for all the ‘Russia’. Your fiancee is in the States, and all you have is a phone number or an email address?Aunty, you are a compound fool. Your name should have been ‘Mumunat’. So what if uncle decides to change sim card tomorrow wetin you wan do? You don’t value yourself at all. Be wearing engagement ring for one year on top phone number o. Lord of the rings mmuo. See you. No level! No wonder you think men abroad are super heroes. Please commot for my road before what happened in 1947 repeats itself. Ode olode.”

Ever since me and Aunty too have parted ways…


One thought on “Wakaabouts Of Penocrat: You Want To Leave Me and Go Abroad?

  1. Love is no longer strong enough to held a man up from running for the greener pasture, but then after all is sought and gotten it could be a tragedy not to have someone special to share love and live with.

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