Over the past few weeks shall I say months, the issue of Yoruba men and unfaithfulness as been a topic on social media, up until the present, my position towards the whole issue has been one of amused disinterest and one of “hey people deserve their enjoyment on social media, its just bantz”. Over the weeks what is to the best of my knowledge was just a trending topic for a day on twitter has refused to die down. Up until now, I have refused to say anything about the issue, just content to observe and laugh, because I see no reason to believe that generally being unfaithful in relationships is an attribute of one ethnic group, especially as I happen to be a Yoruba boy. Call it a case of not being able to see the back of your own head, but I know many Yoruba couples who live happily in relationships and I don’t particularly think infidelity is a necessarily Yoruba problem. My position on the whole” Yoruba boys are pathological cheats” issue is that because social media in Nigeria is dominated by Yoruba youth, it is just jealousy from the other ethnicities and an effort to keep a friendly rivalry going on.
I was talking with a Yoruba male friend of mine recently and he told me “see one has to be careful with interacting with people on social media about this Yoruba boys issue, you never know when what you think as bants might become a self fulfilling prophecy at any freaking time, how long will it be that girls would refuse to go out with you because of what they read on social media about Yoruba boys?” Of course I felt his fears were hilarious, but it gave me pause, because even though a lot of the people who have been going on about the issue especially on twitter do not are only joining the bandwagon because of the aforementioned “jealousy.” I have however found some true stories that I have taken to mean that perhaps the opinion of Yoruba men as cheats and shall I say “fuckboys” may have some merit after all.
The thing is that Yorubas are generally speaking a very easy going people, who place a huge value on life and love to enjoy it tremendously, attend any Yoruba social event and you will see the proof of this. We are very accommodating of others, and we are people or rampant appetites who are not afraid to try new and exotic experiences. This is the reason why for example when the Europeans came with their schools the Yorubas sent their heirs and prized children, when the others flat out ignored them or sent their slaves or outcasts. It was us Yoruba who started the idea of sending female children to school. This means that, on the average, the Yoruba man is far likelier to get more education and broader horizons than his counterparts from other ethnicities. A Yoruba man is not always necessarily the richest or the most connected in the group, but he is likely to be the mouth,(FFK, anyone?) the most educated and usually the most articulate, the most boastful and will likely carry himself with the most flamboyance and confidence, (anybody who has stayed on Nigerian twitter for any considerable length of time will have no difficulty noting this). His exposure to foreign experiences means he is the most conscious of the latest trends among his counterparts. Thus even if he isn’t very rich or handsome, an articulate, confident, well dressed, flamboyant man with swagger to burn is a veritable magnet for women. Now add all those things to an easy going disposition (with its unfortunate downside of a lack of spine and a not very active conscience) and what you have is a well baked and freshly cooked “fuckboy”
Which brings up the question, if the above is true, why then do women continue to fall for Yoruba guys if they now that their promises are likely to be lies and their consciences are likely to not be very active? The answer is simple, Yoruba men know how to treat women like queens, whether from their own ethnic group or from another ethnic group. It goes beyond spending money on her. Because the Yoruba guy is easygoing, he is likely to put social interaction above everything else. He is likely to be a far better listener to his woman and spend more time with her than any other ethnicity. He will be far more open to being challenged by her and will also be more open to regarding his woman as his equal. It is the reason why most Yoruba couples are usually in the same age range, a statistic which is uncommon to any other ethnicity. The woman in this case thus feels like she is part of a project of equals and she will throw all her efforts into the relationship, which makes it hurt more when the man “finally shows his true nature”. The thing that makes the Yoruba infidelity more heart breaking is that his easy going nature means his heart is mush, he cannot bear to see a woman cry or be heartbroken even if he is cheating on her with ten different women. So he continues to lie to her and she never catches on because he is so caring and so convincing. What he does is to somehow stretch it out in the hope that he wouldn’t have to be the bearer of bad news (which explains the claim some people make about Yoruba man’s second family appearing at his funeral). The result is disgruntled complaining on social media about how heartless Yoruba men are. The trend goes on and on
Everything I have pointed out notwithstanding, it is still my position that the “Yoruba boys are cheats” is only bantz and has no basis at all in reality. Of course this piece is only scratching the surface and I am sure some other people would have other angles to contribute from. In the end as a Yoruba writer once wrote “if you meet a man who satisfies your marriage criteria and because of twitter bants you don’t take him serious you are just dense.” enough said.