My guest post today is a short, yet no holds barred expression from Fola Ige. In this piece he calls out society and religion on its hypocritical perception of one of the most controversial issues in societal relations and religious affairs, the subject of non-marital sex. 

Clearly and without doubt, most of our religions frown seriously at non marital sex, Christians, Muslims and Pagans alike. They see it as a grave offence. Hence the society has absorbed it as a norm that it is not acceptable to engage in sexual relations when you are not married. This has led to the stigma associated with ‘unwanted pregnancy’, HIV/AIDS, STDs and other sex related complications.

On the other hand, the appropriate age to get married (and have sex) is way too far from the natural schedule. Using an average Nigerian for example, before it is ‘appropriate’ to get married; you must have finished tertiary education or learning a vocation, gotten a good job (or just a job these days). Say 25 years of age.

Scientifically, this is very distant to when a man’s sexual system is activated. An average man goes through puberty at 13 to 17 years of age after which he is sexually mature. However, he has to wait for about 10 years or more before he can ‘rightly’ engage in sexual intercourse. We all know fully well that humans are gingered by hormones which are influenced by stimuli (happenings in the environment) and genetic make-up.

With advent and boom of internet and social media, the ease with which nudity and pornography can be accessed. Non marital sex can now be easily arranged. Also, we cannot but consider the present unfortunate economic climate and the proliferation of ‘runs girls’.

The society must adjust to tolerate the desires and needs of its people. Due to these reasons, non marital sex might soon be a societal norm and even might be encouraged as the second option of encouraging early marriage may not be feasible.

So when next you are in a gathering of young men and women maybe in a cinema, church, mosque, class or party, take a look around and ask yourself this question sincerely. “Which one of these folks is not getting laid?”.

Fola Ige is a pharmacist based in Ibadan, Nigeria. You can share your thoughts on his controversial views with him on twitter at @folamanboy


  1. “The society must adjust to tolerate the desires and needs of its people.” I’m not sure you really mean this sha.

    But more seriously, there are two ideas of society, one descriptive and the other prescriptive. The descriptive will tell you non-marital sex is a fact of society. I’m willing to go out on a limb to say more people have sex outside marriage than in it. So, fact. The prescriptive is the site of moralizations, of thou shalt nots, of society musts. Society here attempts – with varying degrees of success – to tend the desires and needs of people towards a mean tolerable to everyone (or actually, to establish a worldview over other worldviews). I’ll stop here. Discussing concepts like tradition, culture and society always leads me to interesting complexities.
    I can understand where religion is coming from however, and up to that extent, I understand why it prescribes what it prescribes. It’s the same reason worldly and moral philosophers have been constructing ideal worlds: the enthronement of order on a chaotic world. Do we need order? I don’t know.

    1. Thanks for the comment.
      I do really mean that statement.
      Let me try to explain this way.
      “Society/culture is dynamic. That’s a fact. The dynamism is based on the changing needs of those living in that society (including external influences). This can be due to several factors.
      But in totality, ‘people’ determine what their society is like.”

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